It is hard to take in, much less comprehend, the horrifying events and images that have been taking place in Israel and Gaza. How do we process news of children, elderly people, families—those we take for granted as being “off-limits”—suffering atrocities beyond belief? Adults who have almost grown complacent about war and violence are shocked to the core. And for the millions of Americans with loved ones in the region, the desperation is overwhelming.
Now imagine what our children are feeling: They may have witnessed graphic depictions of war on television or social media, watched children like themselves flee from their homes or get caught in the crossfire—and they have no context for what they’re seeing and feeling. They, too, are likely experiencing the stresses of war. And they will turn to you (maybe they already have) with their questions and fears.
Remember that children are looking to you as a model, and are picking up on your behavior, thoughtsand feelings. So as the grown-up, take some time to assess your own emotions and level of stress prior to speaking with children.
Calm
Speak slowly and at a regular conversational volume. This instantly gives the child a soothing sense that they’re okay, because their trusted grown-up is talking in a normal way.
Empathy
Listen closely to your child’s words and carefully observe their behavior. Validate the child’s feelings (never minimize or dismiss them). Explain that All feelings are normal-it’s what you do with them that counts! See below for strategies for managing big emotions like fear, sadness, and anger.
Respect
Take their questions seriously. Use age-appropriate language to address their concerns (see examples below).
Reassurance
Provide comfort and closeness to help them feel safe and secure. For young children, minimize exposure: Turn off the TV and limit social media. For older children, provide as much clear, brief, factual information as you can. (This is a region with a very complex history; you do not need to pretend to have more information than you actually do. Be honest with children about what you know and don’t know. You’re not alone!)
Some people are talking about what is happening in Israel. What have you been hearing? Do you have questions about that? Feel free to ask all the questions you want.
War is confusing and complicated. It happens when two sides disagree about something and then they use violence to try and “win.” When that happens, a lot of innocent people get hurt.
It may seem like there are a lot of “bad guys” in the world-but there are many more good people.
Lots of people in many countries are working together to try to make the world a safer place.
Your family will always do their best to keep you safe. There are many other helpers working hard to keep you safe, such as your teacher and your principal.
Can you think of some other types of people who keep you safe?
Your feelings are a very special and important part of you. All feelings are normal-and feelings are meant to be shared. Keeping feelings bottled up inside can cause aches and pains and we don’t want that!
Sadness
Cuddle up with someone you love.
Do something nice for someone else (that will make you feel better, too!). Read a favorite book together.
Fear
Use positive self-talk-and say it out loud! “My family is keeping me safe”; “I’m brave and strong!” Talk to someone who cares about you
Color, play a favorite game, or do an activity you enjoy.
Anger
Run around outside to let off steam. Do some jumping jacks.
Punch your pillow or yell into it (the pillow can take it!).
The Moodsters offer many excellent free workbooks to help children learn to recognize and manage their emotions, and to develop the resilience skills that will help them thrive now and in the future. You can find them on our Resources page.
The Moodsters are here for you and the children in your life!
